i am no stranger to the shitty workday. those days when you feel like your energy is compromised and leave you questioning why you continue doing what you do. of course, i love what i do – it’s why i keep showing up. but there’s bound to be that one day that pushes me over the edge and negates all the positive experiences.
yesterday was one of those days.
it’s interesting because i find that there are two sides of me: the “work” me and the “me” me. when i step into labor and delivery, i turn survival mode on – unsure if i’ll get a break, if i’ll have to push HOURS with a patient, if i’ll have to guard my heart from strong personalities, overstimulation, or the inherent dynamism that is our unit. and then top off said uncertainties with a high census, and my empathetic, compassionate reserves are nearly depleted.
all of this to say, balance is key.
i feel fortunate that over the years, i have discovered what self-care looks like for me. when the “jekyll” at work is trying her damnedest to be all the things for everyone, the “hyde” at home can focus on tuning inward, resetting, replenishing. it’s in this space, remote from feelings of physical and emotional exhaustion, that i am able to honor myself and be reminded of what truly lies within. at home, i can be me – not someone who has it all together, who has the answers or knows the resources. at home, i can feel what my heart feels, rest when i need to rest, engage when i want to engage.
never have i felt more grateful for our patio and the source of life it brings me. tending to my plants – weeding, repotting, watering – restores my center, grounds me in a way that only nature can. when i invest time and care into sprouting life, i am investing into that of my own.
regardless of how good or bad a day at work is (or in life, in general), time with my urban garden generates a sense of peace that balances the waving energies i carry within. the garden reinforces the beauty of cycles as well as its need for thoughtful intention. it’s a meditation, if you will.
creating this space has certainly taken time, but it’s the kind of time that fills me wholly, the kind of gift i’ve given myself to just be. it’s an ever-evolving source of life that shakes me out of my jekyll-like personage, and restores my innermost being. it’s more than just a garden. for me, it’s self.