mama

if you know me well, then you know my mother. mama. she is a piece of me, sometimes more than i think. we have the kind of relationship that spans well beyond parent vs. child, mentor vs. mentee. it’s a friendship, a union.

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i’ve never known anything more or less than what we have, and frankly, i can’t say i’d want to. it’s an uninhibited, transparent relationship that naturally weaves itself into the threads of our everyday. not a day goes by that doesn’t include multiple forms of phone exchange: some conversations heavy, others light. some with a purpose, others merely as inquiry.

i trust mama so much so that she knows the inner workings of my heart – the things that make it beat, or otherwise, tremor; the things that set its pace, its daily rhythm. my whole self is revealed to her and she to me.

and i think this is what scares me most about any prospect of becoming a mother – the idea that i could never replicate the magic that is our bond. what i share with mama – the intimacy we’ve created – is so uniquely exquisite that i would never even know where to begin. sure, you create a new life and build something special “because this child is your own,” but still, it will never be us. 

i don’t know where i go from here, which path gino and i will (or will not) eventually take. all i am certain of is that i want to spend more time with mama. i want to memorize the lines on her face, the wrinkles on her hands. i want to walk with her, talk with her, see the world with her and through her eyes. i want to tell her my fears and listen to hers, contemplate life or just sit in silence. ultimately, i want to lounge in more patios and eat more treats and drink more wine, laughing wholeheartedly because we can, living because it’s all we have in this precious time.

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One thought on “mama

  1. I love “you and me”….. a connection so unique and unexplainable, our bond. It just is, uncomplicated and natural. When you become a mother, you only hope to be able to raise a child to be the best they can be. You love and protect them, you help them find their way to independence. To find their happiness. If you’re lucky, you raise a child who someday acknowledges you and all you did. If you’re lucky, you raise someone who becomes your best friend. If you’re lucky, you realize this before it’s too late. There’s no greater reward than to be loved and acknowledged and to be your child’s best friend. I’m lucky and blessed! You’re already ahead of the game, you just don’t know it. “Gracias mi corazon” for being the best daughter and for making everyday a Mother’s Day😘 Let’s make the most of “you and me” and get a tattoo!😜 lol, Te quiero mucho❤️ besitos💕💐😘😘

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